Can’t believe sch’s starting tmr again. I’m like so not prepared for the start of sch. haas, always have this kinda feeling every sun when I come back to hall. Need some time to settle down and get into the school mood. Last sem was worst, had marketing tutorial and ob tutorial on mon. So lesson learnt, I put the most slack lesson, i.e. IT, on mon for this sem. The even better thing that IT starts at 9.30am, unlike my other days which all start at 8.30am.

Today, am feeling more unprepared for sch than usual coz we juz had db team steamboat at marina bay until quite late and I juz got back to hall. And I see SEVEN email replies on our IT project within less than 24hrs!!! argh, overwhelmed! Ok, I’ll look at it soon. Better try to contribute to the project.

Today I cut my hair! Am quite pleased with it, though the fringe part like quite weird, quite thick hor. But overall still ok. The only frustrating part is it’s hard to tie my hair now, and I got quite fed up trying to tie it up before training. The weather is so hot, that I’ll die from more heat if I dun tie up my hair.

So today marks the last official training. Weekends will feel kinda weird without trainings. But anyways, its not gonna be a total break from exercising. Still needa do some light jogging and sprints?! (hate and sux at sprinting) But somehow I usually feel more like exercising during the exam period. It’s a good break in between studying too, as compared to watching TV or chatting online to relax for a while. So study hard and dun forget to exercising a bit too.

3 weeks to the exams! Scary…I’ve not started studying for the exams yet. Still trying to do tutorials, quizzes and project. Argh, I really muz start this week. It’s time to get into the exam mood.

Mouse is a happier girl coz she’s at home now!! =) and tiga doggy is wif me too. Today, tiga did a gd deed. He found the missing hamster under the cabinet. No wonder he kept staring at the cabinet and trying to stick his head under the cabinet. Coz the hamster was hiding under the cabinet near the wheels.

Today I was quite cui for training. My fitness is quite bad these days. Even before reaching the second bridge, which tink is less than 1.5km, I was already dying from the run, thanks to the freaking stitch. Then when running back that time, keep having this light-headed feeling, not really dizzing, more like floating kind of feeling, argh, dunno how to describe lar. Then when I stopped, the light-headed feeling hit me worse, makes me feel like puking, but I din lar, coz I had nth to puke anyway. The light headed feeling lasted quite long. Gd thing we get to sit when rowing, so its not that bad. But when first started rowing, I felt quite shitty, coz the boat like keep jerking forward, makes me wanna puke. But after a while, it gets ok.

So I din go cycling tonight. If on normal days, I would keep pestering and insisting that we go cycling. But nah, todae I think I’ll lag behind if we go cycling so I’m kinda glad we din cycle even though I was looking forward to it. At least the light headed feeling now is gone. Phew. Light headedness was probably why now I completely stop drinking milk tea. Coz I got scared out when I had super low blood pressure like the day before my stats exam last sem, so yea I don’t drink milk tea now even though I like it. I should drink less green tea too, though I rely on it to keep me awake during lessons.

Today has been rather ineffective once again. In fact, the past whole week has been ineffective. And its only 3 weeks to the exams. hElPs! Where has my motivation for studying gone to?!? If only I could be as motivated, like I was in sec 3 & 4. Those were the peak of my academic days. In jc, my motivation for studying kinda died off, but fortunately it was revived in j2, largely due to panic and thanks to having a good study partner, jasmine. I thot last sem was bad enuf, but to think of it now, last sem was much better than this sem. At least I did study harder and more than this sem, it was just that I lacked time or rather had poor time management. On the contrary though, this sem I’m like super ultra loads of free time, I even haf a free day, yet I am not studying at all! My parents may think trainings are affecting my studies. But no, its really not. Even with training, I seriously have loads of free time. Even without training, I’ll just waste those extra time. Argh, 3 weeks left, I must find my motivation back before its really too late.

Sometimes I think it’s the super loneliness that makes me ultra inefficient in hall. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to study tgt with and not just facing the four walls in hall. When I see people walking tgt to lecture theatres, tutorial rooms or canteen, I’m envious of them. Sometimes when I see others talking and laughing with each other during tutorials and lectures, I just wish I could too. Sometimes I just wish I did not haf to dabao lunch n dinner and eat in the room alone, just because I don’t want to eat alone in the crowded canteen, where everyone else are eating in groups. Sometimes I just wish I had not stayed in hall and was at home. I noe it sounds stupid and ridiculous. But that’s how I really feel and its my blog, so just let me be myself and say wad I feel.

So just now, I decided to go to my hall’s study room in hope that there would be others studying there too. Even though I’ll not know them, it just the studying atmosphere that will be motivating. But no, there was NO one in the freaking study room. So it was just the same as being in my room, me alone in the big quiet room. haiz, tried doing my tutorials but yea, I just felt bored. So here I am back in my room, since it doesn’t make a difference anyway.

I’m not that independent or self-reliant you noe. I thought I was, I really believed I was, I though I could survive this all by myself. I thought it was the least important issue anyone could be bothered about, I though it didn’t matter at all to me, afterall I don’t get close to people, not even my friends, only my close friends, which is like 3 onli but I haf lost contact with them anyway. Actually I think all this is just my own doings. It’s the way interact with others, shut myself from others, not motivating or encouraging or comforting others when that’s wad friends should do, that lead to this result.

Sometimes I really wish I had someone to study tgt with but I noe why I don’t. No one likes to study with others if they cannot be achieve greater effectiveness or motivation. Maybe I should not say that I’m sianz or bored to others, when I am, not that I want to make others feel sianz too, but its just the way I vent out the boredom, but I guess it appears that this affects others negatively. I should just keep all these negative useless feelings to myself. No one likes to hear such stuff. Instead, I should try to be more considerate and motivate others too. Its like give and take. If all I do is look for motivation, encouragement from others, yet I dun offer any, I won’t be deserving of any, and no wonder the situation is as it is now.

Its like wad xiaohong said about dragonboat races. Even if u don’t get to row, u should still send your teammates off to the startpoint, remind them to take water and extra paddle, encourage them and help them to relax before the race. It’ll let ure teammates noe that ure there for them and nxt time when u get to row, they’ll be there for u. How true! I’m really enlightened. Actually I really admire how some people manage to give wise advice. Such phrases or words really help motivate others. But too bad, I’m not good at creating these wise phrases.

Ok, I’d better get back to my tutorials. I promised to finish them so that I can go cycling tomorrow night. Come on mousey, u can do it, its just takes a few hours of concentration. Motivation comes from within, you’re a big adult now, grow up and focus on what needs to be done. Keep negative feelings to yourself and if it really needs to be let out, let it be limited to the boundaries of this blog. Be less selfish, remember to receive you must first give. Be a changed person, start afresh, there’s only 3 weeks left and you noe there’s been hardly anything done. Suddenly I feel motivated, or I imagined to haf felt it. =) is just a surface thing...

It’s been super long since I last blogged, more than a month. February and half of march juz zoom past like this. I’ve been lazying around too much during this time, not studying, not blogging and juz wasting my time. I’ve even been studying less than my brother, which means almost no studying at all. That’s really bad.

I think blogging is a good thing, it helps to reflect one each and every day, how u spend ure time. So from now on, I shall start blogging once again. 1 month till the start of exams, scary. Yet another semester zooming by just like that. I muz not waste this one last month. I’m already pretty screwed up wif my studies.

Juz some thoughts, what’s the point of holding on when things are not going to change. Or issit juz me that the efforts and fighting spirit is not in there. Its juz a simple minor one, yet I still dun get a chance. But perhaps its juz me. Chances are only for the derserving, they need to be earned. But I dun wanna let go too. Sigh. ok, dun tink abt it until after the exams.

Time to get started with accounting then IT project. Byes…